Real world.

Reality is cold
Life is unfair
Love is conditional
Trust gets broken
Friends disappear
Hopes are crushed
Dreams will fade
Wishes are lost
Gifts are returned
Acceptance is refuted
Direction can morph
Secrets get told
Freedom is taken
Growth can stall
Safety is an illusion
Warmth will diminish
Heroes can lie
Energy gets spent
Joy shall elude us
Saviors are pretend
Security won't last
Calm comes from chaos
Purpose will change
Value is diminished

Dear mom,

Sometimes, you are the most annoying, self righteous, bitch I know. You don't know how I feel, you don't know how I cope, you don't know how I should live my life- so please -- butt the fuck out and let me be an individual!

Im crabby and tired.

I swear if bad dreams keep me up again tonight, im going to fucking cry.

Im so tired. This is not okay.

No one can handle me

Im too much for anyone to handle. Im a failure, a loser, a bitch, insane, emotional, stupid, hard headed, and useless.

I wish i was hit by a car...

Ana wont be my friend right now....

So i am having some time with Mia.

Stupid.

Im a stupid, fat, attention whore, and no one will ever love me. Im broken. No one can fix me. Im bent on self destruction and i won't stop until I'm dead. The hardest ones to love are the ones who need it most- but they are also the ones who will hurt you more than anyone else. I want to die. Who would ever love someone who cant even look in a mirror without having urges to purge. Im so fucking stupid. I should just give up trying. No one deserves to be in a relationship with such a destructive, emotional tornado. I can't be a positive addiction to anyones life- EVER. Im just a soul sucker... Who wants to be my next victim?

My feelings hurt.

Its my own fault- i shouldnt have looked at his personal blog... i even told him i wouldn't. But i did... and on it he said "no one cares about your bad dreams"... if only he knew what it was like to have night terrors where you wake up drenched in sweat and heart racing. Fearing sleep because you know the demons in your head run free when you're sleeping.

...if only he knew, in my dream last night- he told me to go kill myself because Kari became hot enough to fuck now.

No one cares... i know... i should go away so no one needs to feel obligated to care...