Yesterday

Yesterday i had over 1500 calories. Ana is furious with me. The scale will show what a fucking fat ass i have become. I always do this! I get my weight to a low point, and then i eat like a fucking cow. I cant even look at my reflection without tears swelling from my eyes and spilling over so they can run down every inch of blubber on my body. I will never be perfect if i eat like a big fat whore. I punished myself- cutting up my forearm, and letting my blood drip onto my Thinspo collage. Never every time i see it, i will be reminded what the alternative to perfection is.