Yesterday

Yesterday i had over 1500 calories. Ana is furious with me. The scale will show what a fucking fat ass i have become. I always do this! I get my weight to a low point, and then i eat like a fucking cow. I cant even look at my reflection without tears swelling from my eyes and spilling over so they can run down every inch of blubber on my body. I will never be perfect if i eat like a big fat whore. I punished myself- cutting up my forearm, and letting my blood drip onto my Thinspo collage. Never every time i see it, i will be reminded what the alternative to perfection is.

here i am.

I wonder...

I am fat.

a fat fucking loser and no one will ever love the fat girl with daddy issues. no one. you stupid cunt! just stop eating and maybe show a tad bit of self control and you wont be bulging over your pants and having marks left from too tight tops. you fucking disgust me. i hope you die. i hope you slit your wrists and bleed out and die. but, you wont. because you're a big fucking failure. god, the world should do itself a favor and remove you from society. you are nothing. NOTHING!

Hey Daddy...