Weightless by Mi

Lyrics

Hi, my name is Ana and I'm here to save you
Very smart of you to call me
We will work together and we'll leave no footprints
We'll have wings eventually

I want to embrace you
I will help you to control
I will hurt like hell
I will swallow your sweet soul

It will be nailed to your jawbone
It is painted on the mirror

Stripped to the bone
to the soul to the I don't know
Stripped to the core to the matter
to the flesh and oh!
Stripped to the four in the morning lies
and lullabies
Stripped without clothes without dirt
without baggage without consciousness and you are weightless

So just be a good girl and please follow my rules
Don't forget I'm taking over
Transparent is what you'll be in no time if you're
Taking life in stone cold sober

I want to embrace you
I will make you steal and lie
I will hurt like hell
I will kill you in no time

Everyone's your enemy
You find your worst fears in me

Would i be perfect, yet?

Experiment

The Ana Bible

I am posting this because... Well, I am not sure those closest to me really understand the trauma and disordered thinking I experience. The Ana Bible explains the exact irrational- yet overwhelmingly influencing- thoughts I have; nearly all day, every single day.

This is the part that I think is the most impacting:

"...The Thin Commandments
1.If you aren't thin you aren't attractive. 
2.Being thin is more important than being healthy. 
3.You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, starve 
yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner. 
4.Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty. 
5.Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself 
afterwards. 
6.Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly. 
7.What the scale says is the most important thing. 
8.Losing weight is good/gaining weight is bad. 
9.You can never be too thin. 
10.Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and 
success."

Now before you get mad that this site exists- be aware that it is intending to educate people on how an ED takes over. I also find it comforting to read that im not the only one with these thoughts. 

Stats

Cw: ? Im scared to weigh myself
Lw: 117.8
Gw: 115
Ugw: 100

house all to myself ALL WEEKEND!

fasting until i pass out and have to call in sick this weekend. >:)

Dear, stop exercising:

And i mean, what else am i going to do? Sit around and let all the food I've been eating ruin all the hard work I've put into this body?! Not going to happen. Im going to be lovely. You should be happy im working out. Im sure youd love my body covered in fat rolls and cellulite. Im sure youd love it if i was too fat to have sex without passing out. You want me to be fat?! No! I didnt think so, so back off!

stats

 4/11/13
CW: 123.5lbs
Neck: 13 inches
Waist: 26.5 inches
Hips: 32 inches

Big fat pig!

You disgust me. You have no will-power. You are a failure. You make every anorexic out there- ashamed and they hate you. You cant do anything right. Not even lose your fat ass. Ugh. Pathetic.

Yesterday

Yesterday i had over 1500 calories. Ana is furious with me. The scale will show what a fucking fat ass i have become. I always do this! I get my weight to a low point, and then i eat like a fucking cow. I cant even look at my reflection without tears swelling from my eyes and spilling over so they can run down every inch of blubber on my body. I will never be perfect if i eat like a big fat whore. I punished myself- cutting up my forearm, and letting my blood drip onto my Thinspo collage. Never every time i see it, i will be reminded what the alternative to perfection is.

Must learn how to hide it better...

Rules:

Don't mention calories in food

Don't talk about your weight

Don't put up a fit about eating something with the family

Don't count calories in front of others

Never purge at home

Don't brag about weight-loss

Try to eat something in front of family or friends

Don't workout at home (unless everyone else is gone/sleeping)

Avoid going out to eat at all costs

Don't make thinspo at home

When faced with a large calorie meal, simple drink as much water as possible

Making an Anorexia Collage

Using these Photos, I intend on making a collage that will serve as motivation to stay friends with Ana. I've been a horrible friend lately and I need to make it up to her. I can make her proud. I know I can.

CW: 122lbs   :D
GW: 115lbs  (by May 11th)

Easter ana tips

Pick all the bread out of the buns leaving only a shell of crust to eat.
Meat is better than potatoes for your body and are easier to burn off later!
But potatoes are easier to purge!
Always have a drink available (preferably water or coffee because no cals)
Start dancing with younger family members- its an incognito exorcise!