I miss my diet pills...

I feel so weak for wanting them back. i miss the energy, and the lack of hunger- all i do is snack 24/7 now. its so gross. i haven't gotten on a scale yet- but i just know Ive gained weight. im going to get so fat and ugly and awful and i just want to go die in my room alone. i cant do this. im not ready- im too weak...

I wont buy more pills though- because i cant hurt you again... but this is killing me. i just want to be thin! why are you so against it? i am not really that thin anyway. im not in danger. you are overreacting. please let me be thin... please, please, please :'(

mirror, mirror

This poem means so much to me. its speaks of all my deepest insecurities and hopes. if i were perfect, i would be happy. i would be loved. i would be understood. i would be ENOUGH. its all ive ever wanted... i just want to be enough. enough for you, enough for my family, enough for the colleges, enough for my future. 

but im not. i never will be. im worthless. 

here i am.

I am fat.

a fat fucking loser and no one will ever love the fat girl with daddy issues. no one. you stupid cunt! just stop eating and maybe show a tad bit of self control and you wont be bulging over your pants and having marks left from too tight tops. you fucking disgust me. i hope you die. i hope you slit your wrists and bleed out and die. but, you wont. because you're a big fucking failure. god, the world should do itself a favor and remove you from society. you are nothing. NOTHING!

Hey Daddy...